The Awful Truth

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Dear Ted:
Can you please ask Rihanna when is she going to get out of her vacation and continue her concert in Malaysia as she promised? Everyone is angry because they have bought the tickets and Rihanna still hasn't set a date yet. The concert was supposed to be last March, and now it's already going to be June! Anybody who gets hit doesn't take a three-month vacation! Come on, before people start hating her in Asia! Wasted my money.
—deedee ampang

Dear Insensitive:
What is she, a performing monkey for you? We're sure Ri-Ri will make good on her commitments when she's ready, jeez. We bet you voted her Most Awful all those times.

Dear Ted:
Did you realize that all the winning Idols have been from "red" (conservative) states and mostly southern? Could the reason be that FOX is synonymous with republicans and conservatism? Is it because AI is more popular in rural areas and the south? Do you think if Idol ran on ABC, CBS or NBC, it would have a different demographic and different winners? As a reminder: Season One, Kelly Clarkson—Texas; Season Two, Ruben Studdard—Alabama; Season Three, Fantasia Barrino—North Carolina; Season Four, Carrie Underwood—Oklahoma. Season Five, Taylor Hicks—Alabama; Season Six, Jordin Sparks—Arizona; Season Seven, David Cook—Texas /Missouri/Oklahoma; Season Eight, Kris Allen—Arkansas.
—C.B.

Dear Conspiracy:
Southern states are often filled with über-religious types in small-knit communities that band together when it comes down to it. They know how to support their own, as opposed to, say, the somewhat indifferent citizens of Sherman Oaks or San Diego, home towns of runners-up Katharine McPhee and Adam Lambert. And doubt there'd be different winners on another network, since Southerners and Christians don't just watch what's on Fox. Nice questioning, though, babe, like your style!

Dear Ted:
I understand the whole Robert Pattinson craze, but has anyone taken a look at Alex Meraz?! I know he is just being introduced to the Twilight phenom, but I have noticed that he is one fine looking guy. He doesn't have the "mysteriousness" that R.P. has, but I can overlook that!
—Ksburt

Dear New Mooning over Alex:
No R.Pattz-competition allowed here! But sure, just wait til N.M. gets released, and you'll find out a ton more about this hot young thing, we assure you.

Dear Ted:
I think Donald Trump is a super homophobe and a hypocrite. He loves fake body parts on women—his current wife, his first ex, his daughter. Miss Prejean shouldn't be Miss California, because she's a phony, figuratively and literally, and she refuses to take responsibility for her actions. Those pictures of the contestant from Nevada were obviously taken at a party where people were being silly and weren't using common sense. I thought they were crude, but she deserved another chance. Trump loves to talk about how he has never had a drink and his brother died of alcoholism, but he chooses to make money off of vodka. It's okay for him to make money off of drunks and potential drunks, and then he tells the Kardashian girl she's fired because of drunken driving.
—Miss P

Dear Fellow Trump-Hater:
Preaching to the choir, hon!

Dear Ted:
In your Blind Vices, are the And It Ain'ts ever fake? Meaning an And It Ain't really is And It Is?
—Gwennie

Dear Oh, Please:
Never.

Dear Ted:
Give us some insight into this whole Orlando engagement thing. First, the diamond band is on Kerr's right hand, and on her left hand is a big gold bauble and not on the engagement finger. Does any of this spell engagement to you? I think he needs a sweet British girl, petite, not in the business.
—C

Dear Unengaged Engagement:
Somebody cares either way?

Dear Ted:
You just lost all credibility with me by quoting and posting video of Perez Hilton. I have always viewed him as the sleezeball of gossip and considered you the good guy. If you are now running in the same circles, I think it's time to switch to Lainey gossip. Thanks for the memories.
—Cheryl

Dear Blogger Bashing:
P.H. had some good (and juicy) stuff to say—who are we to deny good goss? Don't worry, I'm not whipping out my MS Paint and scribbling insults over pics of celebs. Why do that when you can write them?

Dear Ted:
Don't get me wrong, I think R.Pattz is attractive, but is he really that attractive? I mean, in Harry Potter no one gave him a second glance, but in Twilight everyone is going crazy. Did the fact that he played the world's most desirable and unattainable man, er, vampire, make him that much more attractive? Would anyone that took the role of the Edward Cullen have the same outcome? I don't know, maybe it is just me.
—L.A.

Dear It's Just You:
Is it lonely there in your tower of isolation? Can't picture anybody else as dear Edward, bite your tongue!

Dear Ted:
No one's going to see Russell Crowe movies? Wait and watch as State of Play becomes the must-see movie this year and our guy Russell gets another Oscar. Honestly, Ted, let it go and go see the movie, and you'll be totally agreeing with me!
—Ros, Melbourne

Dear Faux Crowe:
Sure you're not just being nationalistic there to your next-door-neighbor Kiwi-bud Russ? I'd love nothing more than the fit-and-fab R.C. back in action! But the must-see movie of this year is gonna be New Moon, no doubt about it.

Dear Ted:
Is the reality star you are referring to (getting with a boozy ex) Bret Michaels? First name that I thought of! I love the Awful Truth...I am a new fan!
—SLS

Dear Bret Guess:
Welcome to the blolumn, babe! And great starter guess, but off. Think less, uh, bearable.

Dear Ted:
Just watched the latest TL&T, loved it! I noticed that your Butch is a tuxedo cat. I recently had one. You said Butch has been ill, so here is a few pointers—have him checked for leukemia. Tuxedo cats are prone to cancers such as that, my Pepper lived for 18 wonderful years until recently. He stopped eating and would lounge all day, not like him at all. He then had a seizure and just didn't come out of it. Please keep me updated on Butch, I am an animal lover as much as a Robsten lover.
—Melodie

Dear Feline Lover:
Thanks! Even though Butch is going to the cat box like crazy, he is doing better, eating more and getting litter places I wouldn't let even Robsten (or my husband) roam.