Week in Review: Honoring Michael Jackson, Wherever He May Be

Sat., Jul. 11, 2009 7:00 AM PDT by Natalie Finn

Michael Jackson, Paris Katherine Jackson, Sacha Baron Cohen, Jim Carrey

Pool Photographer/Getty Images, AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill, Pool, Helena Wiessenhaan/Getty Images, Todd Williamson/Getty Images

The plot purely thickened this week as far as Michael Jackson was concerned, making the rest of the news look positively light and fluffy. A contrast our Jackson-inundated brains totally appreciated, of course! But though we worked our bums off covering everyone and their mother who was associated with the King of Pop, we made sure not to miss the stuff that was happening to other famous people at the same time. Catch up on all of it right here:

1. An empty hearse, underground tunnels, temporary disposition... Where the hell is Michael Jackson? The superstar died June 25 and yet his body remains in cold storage somewhere while his family figures out what to do with the remains. OK, they've had the open-casket wake, the private funeral, the public memorial... Time to give MJ a final resting place.

2. And how 'bout that really expensive memorial?! We found it extraordinarily tasteful and entertaining and heartbreaking in all the right ways, regardless of whether Queen Latifah had ever met the man. The seemingly forced emergence of Jackson's sobbing 11-year-old daughter, Paris, kind of threw us for a loop, though. It all made the Answer Bitch wonder if any other celebrity death could provoke such a massive outpouring of grief and love.

3. Unfortunately, we're probably going to find out that Jackson died of something that wouldn't have happened if he hadn't kept a pharmacy in his home. And we're not the only ones waiting on that final coroner's report...

4. Now Katherine Jackson, who's no longer in control of her son's estate, and Debbie Rowe are "privately and amicably" working at reaching a resolution pertaining to Michael's kids. Their situation doesn't appear to involve Rowe's old boss, onetime anonymous sperm donor and Jackson dermatologist Dr. Arnold Klein.

5. What with all the promos and controversy 'n' stuff, it's hard to believe Brüno just opened yesterday. Here's what our critic thought and what the experts are saying about its box-office potential...

6. Jim Carrey's gonna be a granddad. We can just picture him with his spectacles, pipe and slippers, talking out of his butt...

7. Somehow, someone somewhere thought Kristen Stewart might be pregnant. Which is ridiculous, considering all Robert Pattinson does is watch her sleep! And pose for pictures, sigh...

8. The new seasons of Top Chef and (can I get a "hell yeah!") Project Runway both have premiere dates and cast photos for us to peruse.

9. How's all this for some jolly news? Jason Priestly and wife had their second baby; Simon Pegg and wife had their first; Kara DioGuardi tied the knot; Jenna Fischer got engaged; Patricia Arquette and hubby Thomas Jane are no longer divorcing; Jon and Kate smiled at each other on the 4th; Biggest Loser couple Amy and Marty had a son and Zac Efron cut his hair. Hooray!