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Will the Twilight Kids Have "Real" Acting Careers?
Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images; Lester Cohen/Getty Images; Jeff Kravitz/Getty Images; George Pimentel/Getty Images; Noel Vasquez/Getty Images; Donna Ward/Getty Images
Do you think the New Moon kids are actually going to have careers after all the Twilight drama dies down? Or be taken seriously?
—Queen of Shoes, via Twitter
Well, because E! Online readers just love reading about how actors are jealous of other actors, or sleeping with other actors, or making little baby actors with other actors, let's do this right.
Let's put this in terms of other actors. Like who among the Twilight stars is really the next Matt Damon, who's the next Drew Barrymore and who's the next Keanu Reeves?
Behold a possible future for each New Mooner...
What Does Lady Gaga's Bizarre "Bad Romance" Video Mean, Anyway?
Interscope
Lady Gaga's video for "Bad Romance" is either astonishingly brilliant or horrifyingly, beyond-belief stupid. What do you think? Guide your lemmings, Answer Bitch!
—Liz, via Facebook
I think we need to understand what Gaga is trying to tell us other than walk, walk, fashion, baby. And to do that we need to analyze the images we're seeing, and boy are there a lot of 'em.
So what are we working with here? The video includes images of a hairless cat, a guy in an S&M roman gladiator chin strap, an alternate Gaga with anime eyes in a bathtub, and diamonds floating in space. And oh: She's crying, and dancing, but not at the same time.
She wears righteous sunglasses.
There is an actual story to the video, and we'll go over it through the wise, mystical prism of dream analysis! Let us begin...
Why Can't Michael Lohan and Jon Gosselin Shut Up?
INFdaily.com
Why can't Michael Lohan or Jon Gosselin shut up? Is it a disease?
—Lova, via the Answer B!tch inbox
I wish it were, just so I could claim credit for the discovery and make up an awesome name for it, like egobelioma or delusia bifida.
But no. In fact, the reason why Michael Lohan won't stop talking about his daughter—or leaking supposedly private calls about her—and the reason why Jon Gosselin still thinks anyone cares about what he has to say, is a lot more chilling than a mere head disorder...
Is Posing Nude Ever a Good Idea for Famous Guys?
Playgirl Magazine, Jesse Grant/Getty Images
What could Levi Johnston possibly gain by posing naked for Playgirl?
—Babs G., via the Answer B!tch inbox
You mean besides money and the eternal high that comes with making Sarah Palin miserable? As the Jews might say, dayenu, that would have been enough.
For women, there are tons of reasons for posing nude: Sharon Stone said she did it for money right after appearing in Total Recall. It sure didn't hurt, given that she later went on to do stuff like Basic Instinct and Casino. We won't even begin to discuss the ongoing successes of The Girls Next Door.
But when it comes to guys who pose in adult mags, there are, generally, only two types: (1) Unknowns who, if the ploy works, graduate to sort-of knowns, and (2) bona fide celebrities who stir up noncontroversies by posing only partly in the buff.
That latter category includes a major country star married to an A-list actress, and a former teen star who has been linked to Megan Fox...
Do Celebs Really Hang Out in Strip Clubs?
nationalphotogroup.com
What's up with Fergie and her hubby? Did he seriously cheat on her with a stripper?
—Lauren J., via Facebook
Well, let's see, we have the stripper, named Nicole Forrester, alleging yes; and Josh Duhamel denying it; and Forrester coming back with a lie detector test that she allegedly passed. So, ladies and gentlemen of the Internets, I ask you: Do you accept the lie detector test into evidence?
Now, if you're shocked, just shocked, that an actor would get busy with a stripper, you don't know actors. Or musicians. Or sports stars. Or anybody. Because everybody in entertainment loves a good exotic dancer, and I have evidence to prove it, along with a blind item or two...
How Weird Are All Those New Moon Vampire People?
Kimberley French/Summit Entertainment
So what was the most interesting or weirdest answer you heard at your New Moon press junket?
—MDuncan, via Twitter
You mean I have to pick just one? On Friday I sat through an entire afternoon of Cullens, Volturi and Wolf Pack members, not to mention at least one guy with an English accent, leather jacket and stand-up hair.
I think any answer about weird/interesting things said there deserves a Top Five list. At least.
Here goes:
Podcast: Why Didn't Rihanna Speak Out Sooner?
INFphoto.com
Rihanna finally spoke out about domestic violence this week. What took her so long?
—via the Answer B!tch mailbox
She has broken her silence! All over the place! In Glamour! And then tomorrow and Friday on Good Morning America and 20/20! And it only took eight months.
Before we get into it, let me be clear: Nobody deserves what happened to Rihanna. Nobody. But then now, months after her boyfriend beat her to a pulp, for the first time does this very visible role model actually say anything about it.
She tells Glamour: "I want to give as much insight as I can to young women, because I feel like I represent a voice that really isn't heard. Now I can help speak for those women."
Great, but why now, you ask? Maybe because her album is coming out? Because now she wants my money?
Considering how much good can be done by Rihanna speaking up, and how much harm may have been done by her silence, that is not OK. Hear exactly why in my all-new podcast! Hit play above to listen.
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Why Is That Michael Jackson Movie Out for Only Two Weeks?
Sony Pictures
Is Michael Jackson's This Is It only in theaters for two weeks to get fans into a frenzy or to have the DVD out on time for the holiday season?
—James L., via Facebook
You mean you didn't dissolve into a worshipful faint as soon as you typed the words "This Is It" into Facebook? Bad consumer! Bad! Get frenzying forthwith before the Jackson family finds you unworthy.
Despite the high quality of the documentary—I understand it is quite good—yes, there is an element of manipulation at work here, in the two-week-only release schedule.
Have you been made a victim? Decide for yourself...
Do Tweens Really Think Miley's Worse Than Kanye?
Steve Granitz/Getty Images
Why have the tweens suddenly turned on Miley Cyrus? There was just a survey calling her a bad influence.
—Forlu, via the Answer B!tch inbox
Like I KNOW, RIGHT? Especially because every single one of the people who voted in that survey on AOL is probably listening to "Party in the USA" right now. (And yes, Madison, Hailey, Breanna, Chloe and Zoe—I am talking to you.)
Given the raging success of the Hannah Montana movie and other Miley Cyrus juggernauts, it may seem odd that the tweens of America have suddenly decided to eat their own. They voted her their worst celebrity influence, just ahead of Britney Spears and Kanye West.
To understand why, look closer...
I'm Sick of Vampires—What's the Next Big Monster?
Columbia Pictures; Paramount Pictures; Universal Pictures
Zombies and vampires, while entertaining, are wearing thin. What do we think will be the new trend?
—Alicia Broun Lamar, via Facebook
We do not think when we are the Answer B!tch. We know. For example, we know that werewolves will make a brief stand in the movie theaters in coming weeks, but they will not represent the real trend going forward.
No. No they shall not. No offense, Benicio del Toro. I am sure The Wolfman will be a howl.
Instead, the winning beastie for the next several years is...
Is There Any Real Dirt on Selena Gomez?
Jordan Strauss/Getty Images
How come everybody seems to love Selena Gomez? You can't go anywhere to look for dirt on this girl.
—Andre H.G., via the Answer B!tch inbox
And thus the circle was squared: Your second sentence essentially answers—or at least partially answers—your question.
Tweens love Selena Gomez because—aside from her hit show (Wizards of Waverly Place, people) and music, of course—she offers just enough bubblegum intrigue to reel you in without grossing you out.
This is not Britney Spears, with her icky bare feet traipsing in and out of public bathrooms, and her erstwhile bald head leering into a paparazzi lens, and her stripper poles, and her...ew. Britney is too much for that crowd. Tweenies just want to watch some TV and, um, hear a cool song, and pretend that their favorite stars are engaged in feuds.
Nobody—except for maybe Demi Lovato or Miley Cyrus—provides a better canvas for that kind of pink sparkly unicorn fantasy.
Exactly what is Selena's magic formula? Well...
Does Jennifer Aniston Only Take Three-Minute Showers?
Barnsley, Dome, PacificCoastNews.com; AP Photo/Dave Allocca, StarPix; Jae Donnelly/INFphoto.com
I heard this really stupid tidbit, that in an effort to save the environment, Jennifer Aniston takes a three-minute shower in which she also brushes her teeth. Is this even possible? What other stupid things to celebs do to be "green"?
—Janine, via Facebook
What other? Hmmm. Selena Gomez recently announced that her yet-to-debut clothing line will be as green as can be. That may not fall under the category of "crazy," but by law anything that Gomez does is certifiably adorable.
If you're looking for celebrities closer to just plain certifiable, sure, I have some examples, including a rock icon who sells renewable grocery bags—at his concerts...