Leigh Green/INFphoto.com

• Actually no one asked Gwyneth Paltrow about her digestive system; she just volunteered the information. In short, it has been through a three-week liquid-only cleanse and feels great now. Also, it likes Spain more than America. That is all.

• Someone needs to take Kevin Smith's Twitter away. Everyone else—Kirstie Alley, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Ashton Kutcher—you can keep yours now that he is officially the worst twitterer.

• To quote Dlisted: "Jude Law left a theater in London (where's he performing Hamlet) last night wearing something that he fished out of Adrien Brody or Michael Lohan's closet."

• Old Russian ladies singing "...Baby One More Time" is probably the best way to listen to Britney Spears.

• Everyone's all mad at Michael Jackson's public memorial for not being "authentic" enough.

Oh look, that's Lindsay Lohan actually working in our Big Pic. Just kidding. She doesn't do that. She's just stalking her friend SamRo, which could be considered work.

Rene Rossignaud, PacificCoastNews.com

• All right, everyone look at Lady Gaga being so artsy at the Isle of MTV Malta Special press conference. She's so ahead of her time and next level and original, right? There, we said it, now can she please stop?

• The real reason James Franco had to cancel his UCLA commencement speech is because it was too awesome.

• Ryan Gosling will release his band Dead Man Bones' debut album on Oct. 6. He says it will sound like that time when you were a kid, before you used your crayons to draw horses and things that made sense—instead you'd just draw random lines and shapes and didn't care if your drawing made it on the fridge.

• This is what zombie Megan Fox will look like. Scarier than her toe thumbs?

• Jason Bateman is on the cover of Details looking all adorable and sassy like he usually does. Inside, he talks about how he used to like cocaine, and Jennifer Aniston makes some jokes.

Does anyone else think Halle Berry's daughter, Nahla—who is hanging out today in our Big Pic—is too pretty for a baby?

Brian Ach/Getty Images

• All the crazy fanggirls attacking Robert Pattinson in New York City are scaring him back to London and ruining the fun for everyone.

• This would be the red-band trailer for Megan Fox's new movie Jennifer's Body. Megs plays a superhot high school cheerleader who goes both ways and seduces boys to kill them. It's a real stretch for her.

• Monday boob-day! Not that we planned it, some days just work like this. Starting with the least NSFW first, we have the aforementioned Rihanna in her star-spangled pasties, closely followed by Lady Gaga in V magazine. And we'll finish up with Kanye, who now brings topless golden ladies to his performances.

• An Australian tabloid just one-upped every Robsten rumor that has ever existed up to this point. They just went all out and declared Kristen Stewart to be pregnant. Game over, we can all go home now.

• Oh, Miley Cyrus. Look at you in your knee-high leather boots, sprawled across a table for Elle magazine. You just never learn...

And, in our Big Picture gallery, Tori Spelling is wearing Ugg boots on the beach in Hawaii. Can someone explain this?

• Brad Pitt is a personal assistant to a sumo wrestler in his latest Japanese commercial for cell phone company SoftBank. Pretty adorable, no?

• Usually we enjoy calling out Megan Fox for all the ridiculous stuff she says, but we would like to welcome Transformers director Michael Bay to the club. In return for him shutting down Megs, we'll ignore the ridiculous stuff he says right after it.

• This is the kind of rock marrying a Jonas Brother will get you.

• Who wouldn't want to meet famed Ed Hardy model Jon Gosselin on Match.com? Dream come true! Even a fake Jon Gosselin will do.

• David Beckham and Posh Spice are doing their naked underwear modeling thing again for Emporio Armani. This time they're writhing around together, so at least they're changing it up or something.

Wanna relive the Beckhams' other underwear campaigns as well as some other famous people stripped down? Well, we've gathered them all up in our Celeb Underwear Ads gallery. You're welcome.

Steve Granitz/Getty Images, Lisa O'Connor/ZumaPress.com

Angelina Jolie is the top earning actress in Hollywood, making $27 million last year according to Forbes.

Great. Now what would make this story more awesome?

Oh, yeah—rubbing it in Jennifer Aniston's face, because that's what happens with prettty much every Angie story. Plus second-place finisher Aniston only made $25 million, so chew on that, Jen.

Rounding out the top five are Meryl Streep with $24 million, Sarah Jessica Parker coming in at $23 million and Cameron Diaz earning $20 million, which isn't nearly as exciting considering none of them are in some epic, never-ending tabloid fueled war. Yet.

And what else is going on? Oh, just this:

• Sasha Fierce is now designing clothes for Beyoncé's line, which is extending to juniors. Robot hands for back-to-school are going to be huge.

• Gwyneth Paltrow says Spain changed her life and speaks Spanish with a perfect Iberian accent and thinks it's cool how old their buildings are and is now giving back to Spain by launching GOOP en Español. Thanks for reminding us how worldly you are, Gwynnie. Not that we ever forget.

• Judd Apatow's upcoming movie Funny People is killing it with the viral marketing. A site for Aziz Ansari's character Raaaaaaaandy, an obnoxious comedian with his own DJ, just launched, and it's pretty amazing.

• Wherever Kendra is honeymooning—some private island where she's walking around naked—this is what she's listening to.

What would today be if we didn't feature Robert Pattinson in our Big Pic?

INFphoto.com

• Eclipse, movie No. 3 in the Twilight series, will begin shooting back in Vancouver starting Aug. 17 through Oct. 31. That only means another month or so of watching Rob Pattz pal around with this Emilie de Ravin character until he is reunited with Kristen Stewart and we can begin a new round of rumors about their late-night hangouts.

• While Sasha Baron Cohen is still traveling the world, making sure to out-ridiculous himself at each stop, his daughter Olive is home, being adorable.

• Hilary Duff has joined the ranks of all those other young actresses—Hayden Panettiere, Shenae Grimes, Megan Fox—who like to get words tattooed all over themselves.

• Chace Crawford got a new haircut, now he's even more Ken-doll-like.

• This breakdown of Simon Cowell's expenses proves he really needs a giant $144 million paycheck for his Idol judging.

Miley Cyrus is kissing on her Last Song costar again in today's Big Pic. How scandalous of her! Actually, it's not, but that's the reaction you're supposed to have after all Miley news.

MATEI/RADCLIFFE/bauergriffinonline.com

• Kendra was out running errands and getting her hair done yesterday for her wedding tomorrow. And despite her excitement over her big day, she's keeping Michael Jackson in her thoughts. We know this because she twittered it: "At this special time in my life with my wedding sat n all, i will have Michael Jackson in my heart through it all...RIP MJ"

• Madonna wears her famed bunny ears in her new Louis Vuitton ad that looks like something that would get you voted off of America's Next Top Model.

• Megan Fox tried to hit on David Letterman last night by telling him what a crush she has on him and biting her lip, but he kinda shut her down.

• An extra on The Runaways blogged about Kristen Stewart: "I just want to say this, I feel bad for her and what she has to go though on a daily basis. There were dozens of paparazzi waiting to attack her all day...She really kicks ass as Joan Jett. She was very into her role and she is a very very professional actress. "

With so much Michael Jackson news, let's not forget Farrah Fawcett. The Charlie's Angel will be laid to rest on Tuesday. We remember her work and infectious smile in our special gallery dedicated to her memory.

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AP Photo/Peter Kramer

• 20-year-old Daniel Radcliffe tells Parade he prefers his ladies a little older: "I find, generally speaking, they have to be entertained more than older girls do. So most of the girls I have had serious things with are generally sort of in their 20s."

• It's bad movie trailer day! First up, Cameron Diaz tries to do a Southern accent in The Box. Then we have Ashton Kutcher in Spread doing some gravely, stoner L.A. accent.

• Mariah Carey unveiled her new album cover today for Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel and twittered her message behind the images: "The reason I chose to use 3 images for the cover is cos there are a lot of different emotions and stories revealed on this album." All three images say, "Yay wind machines and boobs!"

• Kim Kardashian can't believe she has a girl crush on Megan Fox! OMG, she doesn't even get girl crushes! Everyone has a crush on Megan Fox, she doesn't count as a girl crush.

Don't worry, Shia LaBeouf (who is in our Big Pic) only a couple more days of promoting this Transformers thing and you'll be done. For now, let's just try to get through it.

Matthew Rolston/Rolling Stone

• The Jonas Brothers are men now. That's why they're posing like a late-'90s boy band on Rolling Stone—that's just what men do.

• E!'s own Kendra Wilkinson offered some insight into her "sexy bachelorette/bridal shower" fun on her blog. Wish we were there.

• This OP ad with Sophia Bush and AnnaLynne McCord also appears to have surfaced from the same time period. Are we time traveling? Is this real life?

• Everyone's still trying to beat Emma Watson to her college announcement. Right now, the Internet's money is on Columbia.

• Kodak is working on reuniting Megan Fox with the Rose Boy so they can have an awkward, feel-good moment that will inspire us all to buy more Kodak.

• Breckin Meyer makes fun of the Perez Hilton postpunch webcam crying video and then Zac Efron pops up in this Funny or Die vid.

Our Kardashian ladies always travel in a pack, and are those sneakers not crazy high heels they're wearing in the Big Pic?

• Kelly Clarkson was asked about the Perez-will.i.am. nonsense, and she had a hard time not making jokes about it even though she agrees no one should ever be punched in the face.

• Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi aren't planning on kids: "We have animals, and we love them," Ellen says. "They don't talk back, and they don't explore their vocal chords out in public."

• Speaking of kids, who wants to watch some fight, Fox News style?

• If we all think hard enough, we can will into existence this fake Britney Spears movie where she time travels to back to Nazi Germany. Anything is possible with the Internet!

• Lisa Kudrow and Courteney Cox reunited for Lisa's web series Web Therapy. Little Friends reunions are always kinda fun. For some people.

• While we don't like directing you to a video where Zachary Quinto falls down, we really need someone to explain why he's walking around town with a guy in a meat suit.

Beyoncé glows in our Big Pic like she's the luckiest, fiercest lady in the world.

• We're pretty sure that eating a teriyaki burger from Carl's Jr. does not help you get a bikini body like Audrina Patridge's, regardless of what she says. We are fairly confident that it doesn't make you a voice-over expert.

• It's nice to know Drew Barrymore doesn't just paint her face for music festivals but also for Marlins games, to complement her shark hat.

• Emma Watson looks lovely in Teen Vogue, but she says she's ready to leave the land of magical photo shoots and beautiful countryside castles in order to live in a dorm room this fall. She reasons: "I'm doing this because I want to be normal. I really want anonymity. I want to do it properly, like everyone else. As long as I don't walk in and see, like, Harry Potter posters everywhere, I'll be fine."

• Oh, Paris Hilton, stop making it so easy!

• Here's a long-awaited Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs. Twilight mash-up. Well done, Internet. Applause all around.

• Green Day has a new music video for "21 Guns." It's so serious and too real. And they're right, too—fighting with your boy/girlfriend is not the worst. Getting shot is.

Jennifer Aniston makes a return to our Big Pic, looking hot and shooting another movie, this time in New Jersey.

• That's a preview for Fox's version of The Bachelor for normal people. It looks like we'll all learn a lot of really important things about life.

• Another promo for Jon & Kate's "special announcement" episode that hints at divorce but reveals nothing.

• Bo Obama gets his official White House portrait.

• Stop talking about the fish thing, Jeremy Piven! He just keeps bringing it up: "I haven't had a piece of fish since the doctor told me to lower my blood mercury level. So, it's been almost 10 months now." Let it go, we're never going to buy it.

• Megan Fox shocked the world with her recent announcement, "I'm currently what you would call single I guess." But guess who picked her up at the airport.

• Apparently, they're letting that couple we're all trying to stop talking about back into the jungle for that show that made them truly awful.

Is that Robert Pattinson enjoying some sparkle time in our Big Pic gallery?