Beyoncé Baby Hospital Security Complaints Dismissed

State Health Department's probe into baby Blue Ivy Carter's security-mobbed birth is open and shut in a matter of hours after receiving just two grievances

Turns out, this whole Beyoncé and Jay-Z hospital security furor was nothing more than a tempest in a swaddling cloth.

At least, that's according to state health officials, who investigated and dismissed all—and by all, we mean all two—of the complaints they received, ostensibly from put-out new parents, in the wake of Blue Ivy Carter's birth over the weekend.

So, is this PR nightmare finally over for Beyoncé and Jay-Z?

Not quite—but if the way the state department's probe went is any indication, it shouldn't be much longer now.

Though the state health department concluded their very, very brief investigation (it was announced open and shut in a manner of hours) into the allegedly troublesome security practices of the couple (preventing new parents from entering the neonatal ward? Come now), the Lenox Hill Hospital has said that it is looking into complaints that it received, as well.

Speaking of which…

The probe officially began yesterday, after families tripped over themselves running to the media claiming gross mistreatment by the hospital—the yang to Beyoncé's supposed VIP treatment, security-laden yin.

However, by late Wednesday, officials announced that the complaints had been dismissed.

So what were they?

Well, after all that fuss, only two complaints were lodged: one was done anonymously, and the other was made by someone who was not even at the hospital when Blue Ivy was born, but rather who heard about the controversy in the media and decided to get outraged by proxy.

Which isn't the strongest stance. In any case, officials reviewed both grievances before closing the probe.

They got 99 problems, but dealing with time-wasting non-scandals ain't one.